預備星期日的講章

@ VU

Summer Break前最後講道

重寫又重寫，昨晚搞到半夜兩點幾才肯罷手，完成的講章面目全非，狠心掉了大量心愛的部份，因為它們與整個講章的flow不配合，結果靈感來自韓劇Pasta的講道，現在一點意大利麵的味道都沒有。

這是一個很自己的實驗，嘗試以新的方法寫講章，整個故事仍有不少瑕疵，並非最理想最流暢，就像一個實驗劇場，感謝大家容許我的實驗。

靈感

《意麵情迷》給我的講道靈感：

耶穌要跟我們談戀愛，
我們卻跟他講神學。

OM!!!

速食的年代

暢銷書都是雞精書、實用書、工具書，同學仔在面書貼了一本新書資料，是關於教會年的實用指南，她道猛料，我卻有猛鬼的感覺，一個什麼都要快的年代，連教會崇拜事都變成即食麵，弄不好什至是杯麵，連火都不用開，灌下熱水，三分鐘搞掂，人家幫你煮好消化好，不用慢慢浸淫了。我以為崇拜是一個領悟，神學院開這科無可厚非，但得到三個學分不代表什麼，可以有其形無其神髓。今天的教會工作者，連寫講章的時間都欠缺，沒有本錢講什麼神什麼髓。或許是我要求高，自己不喜雞精書，也不想它們好賣。

寫特別聖餐崇拜的禮儀，發現跟寫詩差不多，要顧文字的長短韻律，讀起來要流暢，尤如聖靈在我們中間轉動運行，這些功夫，神學院沒有教，華文教會世界也不見得有幾多神學家、牧者在寫作方面練得一身好武功，還是算了吧，多少人連讀音字義都未搞清楚。

Llosa說要讀文學，讀文學是思考，是頭腦做運動，是拒絕即食文化。

22歲的Sabrina

22歲算是花樣年華嗎？年輕的她遇上了她以為是命中注定的男人，他來自愛爾蘭，會寫詩、繪畫，可以跟你暢談藝術、電影，他們合辦網上雜誌，他是總編輯，二人共同寫文章。七年前他們訂婚、結婚，於是他也順利取得居留權，他們的關係大概維持到05年。男方說她是小偷，有精神病，明知他最害怕不發一言的她偏要如此行，他也抹掉人生的這個片斷，只說她是前女友。

究竟Sabrina是一個怎樣的人？她的文筆不錯，即使不是以母語書寫。但文字會說謊，難說。她把他的興趣當成自己的興趣，這點我頗為肯定，愛得瘋了的女子行為。

尋找Sabrina，就像尋找藤井樹。

尋找Sabrina

一個故事的開始。

【創作】陳君的故事之如此我編(或騙)

另一位陳姓大師曾說：「真的假不了，假的真不了。」真真假假，誰說得準？余的編在自家世界乃真，你卻認為是騙；是詮釋問題嗎？同一段歷史都有不同的詮釋，且看那本招商局百年歷史圖片集。

大概只有像陳慧琳(怎麼又姓陳？)這類一生無風無雨的人不曾幻想改寫一下自己的人生履歷，那些灰暗的、不如意的、沒有顏面再面對的、錯的、愚昧的......不如重新開始，林憶蓮高唱，但重新開始需要技巧、運氣，最好有大量金錢做後盾，有錢使得鬼推磨，沒有鬼幫你推磨都可以半買半讀一個(或多個)學位，為你的名片加幾個英文字母，然後你就可以大條道理的告別過去，人家問你為何突然離開某國家某城市某工作崗位嗎？一句進修另得呼召另謀高就就足以令對方語塞。

贏人先要贏自己，騙人先得自己信，我在陳君身上最大的得著，是編造故事的藝術。首先，你自己要對所編的故事深信不疑；別人懷疑不信，切記企硬、打死不認，切忌直接回答質詢。你可以今天是愛爾蘭人，明天是法國人，都是歐洲國家，不算是大話，縱然其實你並非來自歐洲。遇到咄咄逼人的處境，不要怕，只要信，再來一招惡人先告狀，大興問罪之師：「你不信我嗎？枉我視你為我最好的朋友！」怕麻煩是不少人的共通點，大事化小，小事化無，和諧最重要，對你的懷疑就慢慢消失或忘卻了。

另一必殺技是以例如一加一等於二的事實貫穿劇本，我怎樣懷疑你都不能否定太陽從東邊升起，或法國的首都是巴黎。這一招魚目混珠、混水摸魚令對方摸極都是滑不留手的魚身而摸不到你的底。通曉事實令你的話更可信，你有看大台播的韓劇《壞情人》嗎？男主角就因為精通財務術語而避過遭人揭穿他的騙子身分。

當然，編劇的麻煩就是劇情要連貫，總有一些心水清沒事幹的人將你在不同場合講的不同片段作比較，或許他們無心，只是忽然有一天，他們會想起，為什麼你可以在同一年月日時段出現在兩個南轅北轍的地方，莫非你會分身術，還是擁有叮噹的隨意門？

【創作】]陳君的故事之What's in a name

陳君是一個身高五呎十一吋，曾經體重超過二百磅的金髮藍眼，有兩至三個下巴的男子。當然，陳非他的真實姓氏。至於他的真名是什麼？我不太肯定，因為他的護照和其他身分文件上的名字，跟他行走江湖的名字不同，而他的江湖名又不止一個，他是一個不斷為自己添新名的人。關於名字，他有一個習慣：他會為每一個女朋友，或每一個他想追求的女子起一個暱稱，A小姐的普通得不得了的英文名字變成了流露法國浪漫情懷的天使愛美麗、L小姐則是一個男性化的別號，一直到K小姐的卡通名字我才留意到這些命名事件。

名字是身分，或許他一直想藉改變身分來改變命運，但命運已經深深地刻在他的掌上，無法變更。

由二百多磅到一百七十磅的體重，我相信他確實下了一大苦功。單從減磅減肉這一點來看，我會以為他是一個刻苦的人，而且決心也不小，這決心從他後來狂追女孩子的行徑表露無遺。二百多磅的他跟父親一模一樣，至少體型如此。我看著他爸媽的照片，想像三十年後的他的長相。

陳君給我的印象，就好像他的多個名字，是幻是真，只有他本人才知道。

懶人寫稿

拖字訣。

要寫得好，最重要的是要有死線，死線迫在眉睫，令你乖乖地坐定定寫稿。

要寫得好，也要捨得：捨得把不好的扔掉，無論是idea，還是已填滿了大半頁的稿紙。

要寫得好，就要平日多觀察多思考，有次我寫四分鐘的分享信息，花了兩年研究聖餐的功力。

繼續努力吧！

I can almost touch the deafening silence

If I could just pick up something sharp,

With a slash get rid of this black-hole,

That is as irritating as an itch

That you can't scratch.

If blood could redeem,

If it's a red that cleanses,

Would that be my salvation?

木棉

想念
散步
拍下此
給你！

其實我們不需要英雄，
我愛你的不完美、
我們的吵吵鬧鬧、
誤會過後又和好，
沒有假裝，
不用隱瞞，
我們只是凡人。
不要作英雄，
那只會拉開我們，
在聖人面前，
我會不自在。

My 2010 exhibits at LTS

I call these photos transient, using an adjective because the noun transience sounds too permanent.

Sadness is but a moment, so is the most impenetrable darkness before dawn, or the exposed brick wall before it’s whitewashed again. Or the crystal blue sky above Tao Fong Shan before the start of the 7 am Friday Morning Eucharist, or the seconds before the traffic light turns green while one is wearily standing by the zebra-crossing, head lowered and one’s world is reduced to the ground just under the feet. But there are moments of surprises that allow you to transcend the dull and drab life no matter how short-lived they are, like the red plastic bag that suddenly materializes into the corner of my eye, the colour reminding me life can be vibrant and fun if I allow myself to let go of the melancholy and let bits of colours, lights, and even shadows seep into my heart.

All these photos are somehow related to TFS. The first one was taken after a long day at LTS and much walking. I was so tired that I felt my legs were like two big blocks of ice, melting, when suddenly something red came to my eye. It was an ordinary red plastic bag, the kind you could find in any wet markets. After that moment of a red entry, my grey life became colourful again.

The second photo shows the wall at the Moon Gate at TFS. For a few days, the wall stood exposed, showing the red bricks underneath. I had never suspected that under that blinding white lay such raw beauty.

The third and fourth photos are related to our 7 am Friday Morning Eucharist. The one with a big cross was taken with a cell phone when I was traveling on the first bus going from Tuen Mun to Shatin. It must be around 5:30 am, the world was still fast asleep, and yet this cross still stood and watched over that area where my primary school used to stand. That cross had been part of my life for 6 years and yet never did I know there’s a church there. It used to house many bird nests, but all are gone now, leaving a bitter sweet nostalgia.

The last photo was taken before the start of the Friday Morning Eucharist. That’s my best moment in a week. I could still smell the chill of the night, and yet the sky was gradually lighting up. That blue sky reminded me of one of my happiest moments in life. I wanted to hold on to that, but all things beautiful usually have a life span too short, we could never have enough of them.

Sorrow is a solitary path

Sorrow is a solitary path,
When you walk too close,
A shadow casts over me,
We begin bumping each other.
When I try to walk like a shooting arrow,
So that your feet won't kick my heels,
Please don't quicken your pace,
Or we will crowd out each other.

七分鐘的想念

七分鐘，
忘卻昨天，
沒有明日，
你瞇著眼，
孩子氣隨煙上升，
臉上寫了你的故事，
是煙燻還是淚水？
是無奈還是欣然？
你的身世
我不懂。
七分鐘，
一支香煙，
一呼一吸，
思念
隨空氣滲透
漫過我身，
每一分，每一寸
完全佔據。

現代迷宮

大年初一，
崇拜後遊走於沙田新城市廣場，
人群依舊，
食店外人龍依然，
我往麥記走，
那裡適合單身，
也有我需要的咖啡，
一個人的新年晚飯，
我不要發財好市，
也不要冬菇海味，
商場的光教我不知日與夜，
春節與情一節也沒有兩樣，
購物的繼續購物，
窮鬼沒有變得富有，
我們繼續生存
在不能滿足的物慾中。

A glass of beer

I saw the candle light through a glass of beer.

I enjoyed our friendship through glasses of beer.

I knew some of you would have disapproved of what I was doing.

It's life that you couldn't agree.

Our laughter and singing and jokes had too much energy,

You were afraid once they infected you,

You would realize how dead you had been.

Let's pray

Let's pray, together.
What should we pray?
No list to pray through,
From numbers one to six;
No "shaking" God's hands,
As we sing in that hymn*.

In God we love,
In love we pray.
Let's just pray,
The two of us,
Together,
The Lord's prayer,
In our own language,
As we often say,
At the seminary,
Where we first met,
Where we love,
Where we quarrel,
Then we make up.

*There's a hymn that says: 每一次我禱告，我搖動您的手，禱告做的事，我的手不能做！

往外走

走到人群，
在潮水中，
各不相識，
衣服觸碰著，
螞蟻一般，
我鳥瞰著，
卻也感壓迫。

人來人往，
你們可知下一站
是喜是悲？
商場的光明教我冷，
可否暫把燈關掉，
讓雙目小休，
讓我游說自己，
我不孤獨？

There's nothing

In front of the pulpit,
As usual,
There're the cushions, liturgy, and hymn book.

In front of the pulpit
Is emptiness.

A bee had stung you there,
I heard your muffled scream,
Saw your distorted face.

Now, I hear another muffled scream,
Another distorted face.

Unknowingly you have destroyed
The life of not one but two.
Unwittingly I have let myself get involved,
Get hurt.

Sleep (draft)

Sleep is no friend
I don't dream sweet dream
Only Darkish landscape

Twinge
Move this way and that

Friends smile but
Not sleep
Baring its sharp teeth
Showing off its fangs
You make sure my mates
are barred from this hinterland

Only bad guys are
given the swipe cards
I try to stay awake
Hour after hour
Because sleep will snatch you
away, with a snap of its fingers

In my weightless
downward journey
One by one, you go like background
Like when I'm on a train

(At McCafe again. Maybe I need the black poison to stay awake.)