AH

Spending time with friends, at peace, at ease, at home.

Sorrow

"Sometimes sorrow is more than a state. It can be part of the being," I said.

So if you want to cure me out of this sorrow, you'll have to kill part of me.

Thinking of some stifling optimism and cheerfulness.

Sorrow is a solitary path

Sorrow is a solitary path,
When you walk too close,
A shadow casts over me,
We begin bumping each other.
When I try to walk like a shooting arrow,
So that your feet won't kick my heels,
Please don't quicken your pace,
Or we will crowd out each other.

The One Holy, Catholic, Apostolic Church

That's the paper I translated for the LTS journal.

Hard work. The finishing product has about 6000 words. A friend said I was 6000 words wiser.

I nearly always regret about having said yes to requests such as this piece of work.

The process isn't fun; there may be a sense of satisfaction afterwards; sometimes it is done out of a sense of obligation.

Done!

安慰

想念Spike時，唯有閱讀，今次讀Isabel Allende。

To have a good start of a day

I need something like this.

七分鐘的想念

七分鐘，
忘卻昨天，
沒有明日，
你瞇著眼，
孩子氣隨煙上升，
臉上寫了你的故事，
是煙燻還是淚水？
是無奈還是欣然？
你的身世
我不懂。
七分鐘，
一支香煙，
一呼一吸，
思念
隨空氣滲透
漫過我身，
每一分，每一寸
完全佔據。

Solitude

Getting ready for the Friday Morning Eucharist. We took our time; I took mine. Half way through I went outside and took this picture. I loved the blue sky, so beautiful, so transient. Wish you were there.

The best moment on Friday came before people arrived. Gradually, this solitude was replaced by sounds from human activities. In the midst of various crowds, I had a hard time preventing this solitude from becoming loneliness. It was when in crowds that I felt the most alone. People talked but I could only see their mouths moving. The shape of their mouths, the movements of their hands, then I looked down, trying to seek refuge in the moring dews on the grass, the tiny toadstools that had sprouted up after a night of heavy humidity. The wind was less than gentle, slapping our faces and making our hair dance. In such cold weather, I missed the warmth of that big hand that I had held, the broad shoulder that I embraced with so much longing that it hurt. Then I heard the birds' singing. It sounded crisp and you could almost feel the echo. All these would disppear as the sun gave us more of its light and heat. It was in coldness that I felt warmth, something lingering and almost imperceptable.

現代迷宮

大年初一，
崇拜後遊走於沙田新城市廣場，
人群依舊，
食店外人龍依然，
我往麥記走，
那裡適合單身，
也有我需要的咖啡，
一個人的新年晚飯，
我不要發財好市，
也不要冬菇海味，
商場的光教我不知日與夜，
春節與情一節也沒有兩樣，
購物的繼續購物，
窮鬼沒有變得富有，
我們繼續生存
在不能滿足的物慾中。

天后廟與花市

年三十，與母親逛屯門年宵市場。

傳來燒香氣味，看到出售的風車，想起在黃大仙廟渡過的童年。

世界宗教

今堂講佛教，內容有我從前在中學讀過的佛陀生平、八正道、輪迴等。

但跟佛學堂講的不同，是因為觀點不同。也有一些我從未聽過關於佛陀生平的事，例如他的父親將最好的給予他，以免他renounce the world。

語言不同了，也教我有點迷糊，那些大乘啊，小乘啊，單看英文，真係估佢唔到。

而講到三寶時，在我腦海出現的，當然是煎釀三寶。

The more I read...

The more inadequate I feel.

I don't know enough church history; I don't have enough Latin/Greek...

So, reading is a very humbling act.

下雨天

2010年2月7日，雨天；我的世界也在下雨。

對上一次心境的橫風橫雨，就在平安夜崇拜後，一個多月後，我為同一原因同一人物而悶悶不樂。

雨聲清脆，打在地上的凹陷處，發出不同的音調，但你要留心聽才會察覺得到。雨打在我的心，也奏出不同的聲音，不要作聲，否則你就會錯過了原來在大合奏中，有不同的樂器，它們在彈出不同的音符，它們在告訴你，在你意識裡深藏的答案。

平安夜與二月天的不同，或許就是長袍老師的同在與否。我在大雨中獨自打傘下山，他開車從後而來，他說幸好遇到我，我說只有一單程路，出發時間不差太遠的話，總可以遇到。他贈我友情加智者的話，我在他擁抱中痛哭了幾聲，真的痛了，但那是在谷底的表現，那剎那以後，事情不能再壞了，我只須像鳳凰般等待化成灰燼後重生就可以了。

我聽到心底隱藏的音符，然後我舒懷了。

「溝女」的疑惑

同學甲誤以為同學乙說了「溝女」這二字，隨即很大反應。

究竟「溝女」有甚麼不妥當呢？

神學院是訓練神僕人的地方，神學生是未來的傳道、牧師，是以身作則嘛，要作好榜樣嘛，「溝女」這些粗鄙字眼，當然不能出自他們尊貴的口。

聖俗二分法，連語言都不會放過，基督徒說話要合符體統，那些「分別為聖」的基督徒就有更嚴謹的要求。

結果，當大家都被這些思想消毒得乾乾淨淨，當大家都規規矩矩，沒有半絲行差踏錯，我們也同時失去跟世界溝通的能力，每當我們聽到我們認為不合格的用字時，我們的神經就會作動，要連忙掩耳，怕自己被污染。

害怕污染，歧視、偏見由此起。

A glass of beer

I saw the candle light through a glass of beer.

I enjoyed our friendship through glasses of beer.

I knew some of you would have disapproved of what I was doing.

It's life that you couldn't agree.

Our laughter and singing and jokes had too much energy,

You were afraid once they infected you,

You would realize how dead you had been.

我不寂寞

熱鬧過後，與一班特別的朋友分別後，我竟沒有慣常的孤獨與寂寞。

歌唱、閒談，最原始的娛樂，最真誠的分享，分享食物、笑話、歌曲，也分享愛。

原來，愛很簡單。

我這大傻瓜沒有意會到你們的邀請，但你們沒有把我遺忘，於是我得到一個難忘的晚上。

跟你說再見後，我帶著平靜幸福回家，不再患得患失，因為我確定你的愛。

Let's pray

Let's pray, together.
What should we pray?
No list to pray through,
From numbers one to six;
No "shaking" God's hands,
As we sing in that hymn*.

In God we love,
In love we pray.
Let's just pray,
The two of us,
Together,
The Lord's prayer,
In our own language,
As we often say,
At the seminary,
Where we first met,
Where we love,
Where we quarrel,
Then we make up.

*There's a hymn that says: 每一次我禱告，我搖動您的手，禱告做的事，我的手不能做！