Noon prayer

I usually attend the noon prayer on Wednesdays.

We were in Christ Temple instead of Lotus Crypt because of the rain. The crypt got too wet.

There were only the two of us. Birgitte and I sang together, prayed together. She sang the second part of the Taize hymns, and the two of us sang just so harmoniously that I couldn't help but feel moved.

And then a thought occurred to me. It's just too amazing that we could be together. We came from different parts of the world; we spoke different languages. How on earth could we ever meet each other, let alone became friends.

It's always good to see her welcoming face and feel her warm hugs. She always brightens my days!

Is sola scriptura unbiblical?

That's one of the questions we discussed in the Introduction to Christian Theology class today.

We had some heated arguments. And I liked that!

Saying something is unbiblical is grave. Saying what the church has taught as truth as unbiblical is almost unforgivable.

Sometimes we are too eager to defend our faith.

Sometimes I just get tired of all these defenses.

Heavy rain

Taking refuge on a bus. Going home via the Tuen Mun Highway, the splashing of rain muffled.

What a family!

We had the Thelle's family with us this evening at TFS. Karl Thelle is the son of one of the founders of TFS. I learned from our pastor John's email that Karl Thelle had spent his younger days at TFS. He and more than 20 family members were with us in our worship service. Members of different ages sang both during the service and after the supper. What a family! What a singing! I was moved even though I didn't really know what they're singing. I just wanted to join them.

Then I said to Kelvin maybe we should do something simliar. Yes, we surely should sing. Birgitte is in, and so is Jochen, a student from Germany. Ekman also sings very well, but I wonder if he will have the time. Let's see what we will come up. I really hope that we can form our singing group, if not a choir.

思念

在Dr James Rimbach的追思禮中，我感到一份濃烈的思念，強烈得讓我透不過氣來。

死亡使人分別，但有時不是死亡帶來的分離更教人傷心。

那分別就是含有一種finality，是那麼的決絕，也多麼的無奈。

與此同時，我留意到自己對舊教會沒有半絲懷念。是我無情，還是復原得快？

我曾說，我的感覺就像甩掉一個非常差勁的男朋友，又或一個決定離婚的婦人，奇怪自己為何此刻才決意要走，然後頭也不回地離去。

BB

某牧師與一姊妹見面，他問她幾時生得。

姊妹只是體胖一點，並沒有懷孕啊！

我家的魚魚波子圓碌碌，我們以為她只是胖了一點，但原來她要做媽媽了。

她共生了三十多個孩子，二十七個存活。

擁抱

與朋友擁抱，讓我感到彼此情誼的真實。輕輕的、大力的、擁抱後親親臉孔，親兩下？三下？視乎對方來自甚麼地區文化。起初我不習慣，那起初是十一年前，後來，後來我開始懷念在十一年前有幸共處一個月的朋友。

朋友剛做過檢查，沒有癌細胞，今早我問：可以擁你一下嗎？我想感到你的真實，我想觸摸你的健康。

When the shops are not yet open

The good thing was: it's not crowded.
The not so good thing was: I couldn't find my cup of coffee.

教會=Ekklesia?

教會果然是教會，教導教導又教導，假若我搞不清神學內容，我怎樣教我的會眾？假若我不能說神是ABC，我可以在浸禮班教甚麼？

我越來越喜歡東正教的Appophatic Theology，為甚麼我一定要講到神是A、B還是C？

在課堂的討論中，同學問了一句：如果不能肯定XXYY，咁我點教教會的弟兄姊妹？又有朋友認為講道一定要有教導。Wayne提出了他的觀察：學院早會的講道多數是propositional。

教導教導教導，但不准提問會是怎樣的教導？怕教識徒弟無師父又是怎樣的教導？大概我並不受教。

遇到喜歡的人

我喜歡在學院漫無目的地這裡逛逛，那裡走走，是學院裡難得的閒人。

我總可以遇上幾個我喜歡的人，老遠見到已經想狂奔過去打招呼，來一個擁抱，或文靜一點握握手。

聖誕老人老師是其中一個，今天我又把他「捉」住，好「回應」他昨天的早會講道。他說希望我們都覺得課堂學習interesting和challenging，我說我的學習正好如此。

Sophia是另一位教我歡喜的朋友，她來自以色列，今天得知她下星期三就要離開香港，感失落，還沒有機會認識她便要分別了，幸好今天我們在Noon Prayer相遇，否則......

還有星期一下山途中巧遇豹仔，我倆竟握手！見到他是喜出望外，願他一切安好。

遠離不再歡迎我的地方，不願再受別人操控，每次見到這些人的笑面，我再次肯定離去是正確的。

In a state of confusion

Imagine 4 very different people having a discussion, they don't even agree on the most basic definitions of some of the terms they're discussing. That's what happened in today's Introduction to Christian Theology class.

It's very confusing but also fun! We came up with more questions than the four asked by the teacher.

I did't really like it, but it forced me to think harder and listen harder.

Today's discussion was on election and covenant. Who's the elect? Do I have a personal covenant? What about predestination and providence? And the 4 covenants in OT and the new covenant in NT?

Let's see what will happen when Purple Godfather come back next week.

預備講章

昨天午飯時段在辦公室快速寫了兩頁紙，講章的flow。因為是草稿，也不打算有其他讀者，字體潦草，文句完全沒有修飾。

今天早會時與長袍老師排排坐，他問我講章準備情況，我就從大布袋中拿出那兩頁紙，他竟很仔細地讀起來。其實老師近來十分忙碌，我也不好意思要他花時間在我的講道上，上次我自薦講道，結果是他要較自己作講員花更多的時間，更在我正式分享前聽了我講三次！是三次啊！

他的誠懇與開放讓我不怕把心中所想化成說話，他也成為我的鼓勵，作一個誠實人分享福音。

Seas of flags

How I was reminded of Guy Debord's Society of the Spectacle!

豪爽女人

大一那年，朋友送上《豪爽女人》的影印本，我讀了，只覺此書有點大膽，但沒有太震撼的感覺。

今年修讀胡露茜教的Feminist Theology，在書單中再見此書的名字。忽然有此問題：為甚麼當年朋友已知道此書適合我？果真獨具慧眼！

其實已忘了書籍內容，或許應該重讀重讀。

朋友給我送上《豪爽女人》，大概是因為我說「月經」，而不是M/Period/親戚，情慾我則甚少提及。忽然想起去年發生的一件趣事：男同學上胡露茜的課，我和他在午飯時段在課室內閒聊，話題涉及女性主義，不知為甚麼大家講到月經，我說若男人有月經，他們可能會互相比拼，誰人的日子長和量多。男同學沒有異樣，反倒是在場的另一女同學嚇了一跳。當時我們正在上一科「旁門與新興宗教」，女同學聽罷問我們是否在討論旁門。此事甚有趣！

On an overcast grey day

TFS still managed to surprise me.

暑假後第一次泰澤崇拜

(會議室變身前)

也是第一次由頭到腳、從頭到尾落手落腳參與。由開門、佈置場地、崇拜後的執拾，首次全程參與，與好友們合作合力，或許這就是人家口中美好的配搭事奉。

然後我發覺，可以出力流汗是一件美事。與諾爸一起搬枱搬椅子，將一個空的會議室變成共融祈禱之地，慶幸自己沒有背痛腳痛，慶幸自己可以出一分力，這些都不是必然。

我們也運用小智慧，遺失了一塊白布，就看看有沒有其他東西可以代替，也隨身找出可用的物品。我們沒有完美的崇拜，時有意外，時有遺漏，或許這些是對我們的提醒，我們需要別人，我們是一個互相幫助的群體。

累了，卻感富足。

東正教

繼續讀關於東正教的書。

讀有關東正教對三一神的理解，太多希臘文，讀不通，讀不懂。

9月20日更新：
借了兩本關於東正教的書，兩日內讀完其中一本，是從西方角度看東正教；另一本是Reader，涉及神學，要花多讀時間讀才可以。兩本都是Daniel B. Clendenin寫/編的，讀罷第一本方知道長袍老師的東正教課堂實在教了我們很多，他把重要的都先消化了，再簡化給我們。很懷念和一班好友一起上他堂的日子。

Friday Morning Eucharist

Sunrise. I was heading for the conference room for the eucharist service at about half past six in the morning.

I think we had 36 people today. John's reflection was on 1 John 1:5. God is light; in Him there is no darkness. Instead of talking with a moral undertone, John talked about in such light as God, there is no distinction, no shadow or darkness. He didn't focus as is often the case on being good or morally acceptable. Got me thinking. I wish I can elaborate more on this point. But I am unable to do so at the moment.

We are accepting donation for the breakfast after the Eucharist. This is different from what I have been told. So now I know that we are not required to pay; we can make donation now. Interesting how messages change shape when they go from mouth to mouth.

Still thinking...

老友彈結他

老友在短宣隊負責的早會及分享會彈結他，上次聽他彈，是甚麼時候呢？以前他領詩，我或是會眾一分子，或是敬拜小姐，也可能是G12、團契等聚會，以前不當他彈結他是甚麼一回事，現在呢？我的反應很大，非常高興，最好彈多幾遍，最好預我「伴唱」，最好可以再合作。

我們入學前，大概也沒有想到今時今日，我們竟變了這個模樣。我不會想像你穿巴基斯坦服飾，唐裝衫還可以想像到；你也不會想到我有離開那教會的一天吧。

上學期我們「分手」了，今個學期得以「復合」，一起上晨早八點堂。今回是我幫你留位，不過不好意思，我只能在八點前剛好到達，我們只好坐後座了。

上堂時，我沒有眼看你一日兩次的例行動作，但鼻子嗅到消毒藥水氣味啊！我沒有擔心你，雖然你入廠時我的確流過眼淚；聽完你的短宣分享我就更加不擔心了。我沒有擔心，但我仍會帶備麵包/青瓜/車厘茄上課，哈哈，屬於我的也就屬於你啊，隨便食啊，大佬！

明年今日，我就要獨個上課了。今年我要好好結識就朋友，唔係就弊傢伙啦！

Confusion

This is the most confused time in my study at the seminary. I was completely lost in yesterday's Introduction to Christian Theology class. I had probably put that confusion on my face. The teacher said I didn't look very happy.

I do think he's a good teacher. Let's see how we are going to work things out.

I am confused because I don't really know how to discuss with my classmates; or I don't really know if we are having discussions.

Well, it's just another kind of experience. Maybe it will make me a better learner.

Rainy day

The typhoon is gone but we still have some occasional downpours. Dampness but hopefully my spirit hasn't been dampened.

Got myself wet on the way back to the seminary after the noon prayer. The Lotus Crypt was an excellent place to listen to the rain provided that you didn't mind a little bit of wetness. You felt the rain drumming above your head; you felt the presence of nature. And then there were our prayers. There were only two of us at the noon prayer but there was a kind of fullness in the air.

When the wind got too strong

Typhoon No. 8. Stopping the fan from moving made the noise more bearable.

What's underneath

This photo shows the wall at TFS next to the Moon Gate. We seldom see what is underneath the whitewash. The bricks look surprisingly beautiful.

What is on the surface? What is underneath? When I first studied English Literature back in the secondary school, the theme of appearance and reality often showed up. This theme also dominates our life.

Mom has been going to church. She attends the Sunday worship service. She is a regular now, though she still hasn't known many people of the congregation. We had a chat this morning while having breakfast. She talked about a pulpit message urging those who only attended worship service to take part in other activities as well. Maybe I am of a more rebellious spirit. I just told her that even worship service isn't neccessary for her salvation. She only has to believe. And in case people at church are concerned about her "spiritual develpment", well, just tell them there is a seminarian at home who can take care of that.

It's interesting to witness my mother going through this becoming-Christian process. I just hope that she won't be turned off by the church. It looks as though the doors of the church are always open, but once you are in, you know things look different.

似卡拉OK的補習社

同學說這地方像卡拉OK。

為甚麼大家要補習？人有我有，怕吃虧吧。

早前看港台節目《一屋買家》，一個家庭在暑假期間為兩個孩子的課外活動一個月花上一萬元，學鋼琴小提琴游泳英文數學還有更多更多，為甚麼？怕吃虧，要為孩子鋪路。當母親的說，自己不是出身富裕家庭，小時候想補習，但她的媽媽認為她既然考試合格，就不用補習了。她覺得是遺憾，我認為她的媽媽是個智者。那個父親是我姊的小學同學，我對姊姊說，幸好你跟他不一樣，他的孩子一定不會有快樂童年。

Honesty and model answers

We read a letter written by Bonhoeffer shortly before he was executed in the Introduction to Christian Theology class. In the letter, he traced how God no longer was the working hypothesis in morals, politics and science. He wasn't lamenting this. On the contrary, he thought that "[F]or the sake of intellectual honesty, that working hypothesis should be dropped, or as far as possible eliminted." The theme of a suffering God was clearly shown.

The teacher asked us what we thought about that letter. One student replied by making a distinction between those who believed and those who didn't. He assumed that those who believed (meaning Christians) had to have God in mind in every aspect of their life; and those who didn't (non-Christians) would not be bothered with our God. I didn't feel comfortable with all these Us vs. Other talks. Besides, I didn't think that's the point Bonhoeffer was making.

Another student followed by saying many people in HK (he meant the non-Christians) wouldn't think about God in all that they were doing. Again, there was the assumption of those who belonged and those who didn't here.

I'm a bit worried at the way people read their own ideas in other people's writing. People give very high-sounding model answers. But then what? Bonhoeffer was honest about how he didn't always feel God's presence.

I don't always feel God's presence. I wish there will be a time when all of us can honestly face our own feelings and situations instead of giving the model answers. I don't want a textbook kind of faith. I wish people won't be snubbed whenever their voice their doubts and uncertainties. I wish people won't tell me to pray harder when I am lost in all those God-talks.

What's in a name?

Should I call you Dr XX or just XX or YY?

I'm confused.

I have come to know many non-Chinese teachers at my congregation. We are on first name basis for sure. Then once we are back to the seminary, this first name basis relationship doesn't seem appropriate (not that the teachers mind it). I feel weird. Can't my teachers and me become friends?

One of the students raised this question last week. He asked our teacher how we should call him. Curiously (or not so curiously) he mentioned what he thought was a fact: that Chinese people respect their teachers, so they will always call their teachers with their titles. Wait a minute, is that about respect? Or is it more often hypocrisy on our part. We don't want to offend people, especially those who are higher up in the hierarchy. Why do you think there's more respect when I call you by your title? And probably it is because when people don't call us with our title, we are offended.

Are you broke?

Saw this on my way home today. It's posted on a traffic light pole. Maybe after looking at the bank monitors, you need to read this notice.

What draws complete strangers together

The stock market.

The way people have their eyes glued to the bank monitors constantly amazes me. So I guess the stock market is going up again.

Moments of epiphany

There are moments in life when you suddenly realize something, when the way you view life is changed.

I had one of those moments yesterday. It came when a dear friend stopped, turned his head and looked at me. I looked at him in the eyes and saw love and friendship. The moment came when the two of us and another friend stopped our ascend to the seminary and just embraced one another. I knew we were never too busy to give one another a hug.

I have been making the right decisions. And I know I am happy.

記念與記得

我們常說在禱告中記念某人某事，記念，remember，也可以是記得。兩者相比，我較喜歡「記得」，因為「記念」彷彿只會發生於特定時段，例如祈禱會。大家常說要分別為聖，但很多時候，分別是分別了，這分別卻是一種割裂，教會生活與日常生活割裂，就連對別人的關心也割裂。

某傳道人說在同工祈禱會曾為我祈禱記念我云云，一個與我生活無關，見面也不會打招呼的人，教我猜想她的記念會是怎麼樣的記念，她的祈禱又是甚麼呢？求神要我悔改回轉嗎？既然不曾把我記起，也無謂勉強記念我了。

在今天的清晨聖餐崇拜後，我向同學道謝，感謝他記得我。事緣是在開學禮當日，我獨自在翻譯房中工作，到領聖餐時，同學以為我仍未領，於是隔著玻璃提示步出房間到聖桌前，他記得我！又想起同學Maggie，她每每記得我的交通需要，不時為我帶來不少方便。

想起這些，因為今天發生了令我感動的一幕。因為背痛，今天我要慢慢走路。清晨聖餐崇拜及早餐後，我們要走一段路才可以重返學院。我跟長袍老師及另一好友三人行，但走著走著，我落後了。突然，老師停下來回頭望，我笑著說，今天要走慢一點。他說，那我也走慢一點。他與另一好友都記得我，我們三人緩緩走完那一二一梯級，一起展開精彩的一天。

如果你的記念我是意圖改變我成你喜愛的模樣，那不好意思了，我不需要你的記念。

開學

踏入第四年的學習，卻是首次參與學院的開學禮。

經過炎炎暑假，九月一日清晨出發往山上學院，清風給予我驚喜。熱得太久了，差點遺忘清早上山曾帶給我的平靜和快樂。開學的首星期，師生們都掛上一個名牌，方便互相認識。原來掛在頸項的帶子，不同顏色有不同意思。畢業班同學的為藍色，三年級同為用黃色。我這個所謂「四年級」卻又不屬畢業班的最後獲分發黃帶子。

重返校園，環顧四周，好像有點不對勁。對了，很多好友的臉孔已經不在我們當中，大部分與我同年入學的人都已經離開了，沒有麥日老遠已跟我打招呼，也沒有立仁先生稱我女王。或許明年我會有更強烈的孤單感覺。

在開學禮當傳譯，沒有國語翻譯的同學在身旁，就沒有聲音騷擾，也就可以專心工作了。幾乎每次翻譯都遇到機件問題，今次是耳筒只單邊有聲，更有數秒鐘完全靜寂，過後又有忽然加大的音量轟我耳，恐怕日後會發展成職業性聽覺受損呢！工作過後肚子咕嚕咕嚕叫，是學院還是工作喚回我的胃口呢？然後就歡歡喜喜跟同學仔到沙田食午飯，陳牧師問我會否在下午仍留學院我也不顧了。

不少人問我畢業於何時，媽媽也問讀畢課程有何打算，我只說：到時才打算吧！今年開學較往年吃力，或許是因為身體狀態欠佳。希望我可以繼續享受學習，繼續抱著感恩愉快的心情上山。


校巴站，攝於九月一日。地上的白箱是廚師輝哥為學院午餐、晚餐買的餸菜。